I don’t really think my belongings are alive. However, whenever I swear at my laptop or remark to a friend that it’s being slow and stupid I am immediately seized by a feeling of guilt. I have to apologise to it, and the next time it doesn’t work right, I can’t help but think it’s sulking because I wasn’t nice to it and it’s my own fault everything’s crashing. Strangely enough, I only feel that way about computers. I’ve been known to be rude to things lying in my way, shelves colliding with my head, doors getting acquainted with my elbow and various items that have left their marks on my knees and shins (it doesn’t always make sense, in my distress I’ve told shelves to shut up), but I don’t feel bad about it. It seems a lot of people regularly apologise to whatever they bump into, but I don’t think those things care very much. It’s only computers that get this special treatment – they’re smart in a way, after all, so who knows what they really think?
However, I’m not above pleading with cars not to bail out on me now when more petrol is just a mile away, flinging expletives at the sun or clouds, encouraging all sorts of technical devices or expressing my disbelief at taps/fridges/lifts not cooperating. Perhaps some day they’ll all take pity on me and do what I want them to do because I’m the only one who even bothers to talks to them.
Mostly, though, it’s a nice way to release pent-up aggression. If I can’t swear at the guy who just bumped into me but have to apologise to HIM instead because that’s what people do here, that useless &#@&ing hole in the ground that JUST popped out of NOWHERE and dared to trap my foot will have to do. Similarly, living in a different halls of residence last year where we were regularly treated to fire alarms at 3 o’clock in the morning, my frustration was not usually directed at the dimwits who set the alarm off, but the rather more innocent alarms themselves for being so noisy and annoying.
As soon as I start to think objects are talking back to me, I promise I will call for professional help.
5 comments:
I talk to everything all the time :) My first grade teacher was very worried about this and anxiously told my mother... 'your daughter... do you know she talks to pencils?' My mother was all 'yes....(duh)'
Heh. Not to worry child... I do it all the time too. People tend to ask me to repeat what I just said to them only to be told I was talking to my pen or my computer.
.. or myself (I do that a lot)
Me too, I just don't usually admit it. I also talk to, argue with and explain things to both non-existent and real people who aren't around.
My cycle talks back to me all the time. Whenever I ask it to speed up or move smoothly, it responds with either a grating of the chain against the spokes or a rythmic brrrrr which is better than music.
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