Really just a Quantum - Spoiler Alert

Don't read this if you don't want to know what happens in Quantum of Solace.

 (Well, try to read it, it's not like I have an abundance of commenters)

I just got back from watching Quantum of Solace. I'd been looking forward to seeing it for months... years actually, ever since the day I watched Casino Royale. I love James Bond, I've seen every single movie of the series at least twice, and I didn't think I'd ever be disappointed, but today just that happened. It really pains me to write a negative critique but things went downhill from the title song on down - I couldn't quite believe my ears. It couldn't have fit the Bond series any less.

First of all:
James Bond
Who? Really, I don't know who that guy was. He wasn't funny, he wasn't charming, he wasn't nice, he didn't even manage to properly seduce a girl - that short, sad, lifeless scene when he did get a girl was painful to watch. James Bond certainly doesn't mercilessly kill people, and those storywriters want us to believe that he actually got so attached to a girl that he goes to those lengths to avenge her death? Come on.

Next up:
The Plot
Well... nothing much to say here. There wasn't one.

The Ending
If you don't want to know what happens in the movie, skip this paragraph. Though I promise you nothing actually does happen, so that warning is kinda moot.
Anyway. Okay... so James Bond sets out to kill/find the guy who was somehow involved in the death of Vesper (the aforementioned girl). I'll just call him her murderer for now. Bond then travels to Italy, Haiti, Bolivia, Austria, leaving a trail of dead bodies in his wake, and all the while I kept thinking 'Is this him? Is this the murderer now?' Well... no. It never was. In the end, everyone's dead, the pretty girl is home and safe, and then, suddenly, completely out of the blue, Bond flies to Russia, enters a flat and captures the evil murderer who doesn't even put up the hint of a fight. This, by the way, is the first and last we see of him. All that takes place in the last five minutes of the movie. I mean what? What was the point of the other 100 minutes?
Also, something that I'd rather not call a storyline was introduced at the beginning, something that I expected the movie to solve. At the end, the only difference to 105 minutes earlier was that a few more people were dead. I can't stress the lack of plot enough.

Action
Ahh there we go. I have something nice to say about this movie after all. There's nothing quite like the action scenes in Bond movies - car chases, people crashing through glass panels, people dangling off ceilings, guns, and this handsome smirking guy emerging from the chaos straightening his tie. Alright, no one smirked this time because Bond is Teh Evil Cold-blooded Killer now, but I can't complain about a lack of action.
Let me whine a little here too though - I'd like to have a word with the camera guy. There were so many close-ups that at times I couldn't even tell what was happening. Extreme close-up of wheel - extreme close-up of eyes - extreme close-up of steering wheel - extreme close-up of hand clutching gun - extreme close-up of enemy's moustache - extreme close-up of wheel - repeat. Zoom out already!

So...
I could have excused the lack of plot. Of course it's a serious deficit in any case, but they could have pulled it off if only Bond had been his usual self - witty, charming, good-looking, effortlessly disarming a villain with the flick of a switch of some ingenious little technical device (Q didn't even make an appearance this time), neatly dressed, clever; someone every guy wants to be like. I really miss Sean Connery, or Pierce Brosnan even.
I sure hope they sack whoever came up with this trainwreck of a script.

And trust me, I feel terrible writing this.