Life 2.0

In some ways, online life - or even just MS Word - is superior to real life. There are so many things possible on a computer that don’t exist in real life – but I wish they would.  Here are my Top 5.

5. First of all, there are screenshots – more than once I’ve wanted to take a screenshot of something I was looking at. I felt rather silly for obvious reasons, but then someone on bash.org encountered the same problem, so while I may not be in the most desirable of companies, at least I'm not the only one. It's this far down on the list because while they're a lot faster and you would be able to use them anywhere at any time, we still have something very similar - it's called a camera.

4.  Then there’s Undo. I don’t tend to regret things, what’s done is done and I’ll just have to deal with it, but once in a while an undo function would be nice. I dropped something, I said something stupid… one click or flick of a switch and I can start over. And of course, I can get a lot better at it, because I’d have an infinite number of tries. I suppose life would also slow down considerably if everyone undid things all the time, but sacrifices have to be made. Alternatively I wouldn’t mind being the only one with access to those functions. 

Speaking of which, I just accidentally deleted an entire paragraph and can't find an Undo option. This is what I get for praising the internet.

3. Another thing I really miss is a search function. There have been occasions when I was skimming a book or some other text, looking for something, until the brilliant idea to just press Ctrl+F hit me - imagine my disappointment when I realised that real life lacks that function. 

2. We also desperately need an Escape button. No long, drawn-out conversations with someone you don't want to talk to, no awkward encounters, nothing at all that you don't want to happen or that you don't want to be involved in... "Sorry, my life crashed".

1. And of course then there’s the soundtrack. It's less useful than all the other functions, and perhaps Escape is the one we need the most, but I’d dare you to be sad for long if dramatic strings started playing the second something unfortunate happened to you.

To everyone who does not know the meaning of 'sleep'

I'm glad you've got friends, it's great that you got a guitar for Christmas and your new amp and bass guitar are pretty cool too. Congrats too for finally getting laid. See, I understand you being proud of all those things, but is it really that hard to shut up between 11pm and 8am? Is it? I will admit that this place is a step up from last year's not so sound-proof cardboard walls, but investing in some nice thick walls and proper doors wasn't this architect's strong point either. I suppose he forgot that students were going to live here, and that students do not always possess normal people's common sense and courtesy to perhaps avoid loud activies in the middle of the night. I can't tell where those assorted noises are coming from as they seem to be everywhere at once and me deciding to have a word with the people who are responsible for it in the early hours of the morning probably wouldn't be too pretty, so I'll have to address them here.

If you want to make our ears bleed in time for dinner, go for it. I'll even put up with being woken up at 9 on a Saturday because it's bright and warm and you cannot resist greeting the sun with your rendition of Dancing Queen. But stop being a douche and go to sleep at midnight or at least resort to doing something quiet. I'd suggest just sitting down with your laptop or reading a book, but then last year my neighbour's MSN Messenger alerts kept me up. Either way, just be quiet, it's not my fault you're cooler than me. Really, shut up.

Some people just lack the ability to imagine that the world does not revolve them and that other people couldn't care less about how well they can play the same stupid riff fifty times in a row at 2am.

Book survey

One book you’re currently reading: None. I've only got three books with me because they take up a lot of space/weight. I just finished rereading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini though.

One book that changed your life: Angela's Ashes -- Frank McCourt. Like Ziggy said, I'm not all that sure how, but it certainly gave me a sense of history. This is what things really were like not too long ago. 

One book you’d want on a deserted island: Moon - The Life and Death of a Rock Legend, by Tony Fletcher. It's huge, it's a great read, it's full of facts so I'd hopefully never get bored and it's almost like listening to music. And perhaps Robinson Crusoe... you know, get some inspiration.

One book you’ve read more than once: 1984 -- George Orwell

One book you’ve never been able to finish: War and Peace -- Leo Tolstoy. Hey, you're supposed to read this once in your life. I've found it online too so I COULD read it if I wanted to, but... um. We'll see.

One book that made you laugh: Dinner for Two -- Mike Gayle. It seemed more like a book aimed at girls, but it was funny. Assorted calculus books would probably qualify too - you know that feeling when you just have to laugh because you haven't got a clue?

One book that made you cry: None. As for most touching... I'll go with A Thousand Splendid Suns for now.

One book you keep rereading: Nunaga -- Duncan Pryde. It's the autobiography of some Scottish guy who lived in the Arctic in a couple of Eskimo settlements for a few years, back when they still hunted for food and their means of transportation were dog sleds.

One book you’ve been meaning to read: I've been meaning to read the Kite Runner too, I've only seen the movie. Now I suppose Ishmael is on my to-read list as well.

One book you believe everyone should read: Shantaram -- Gregory David Roberts. I know I'm late, but if you're as late as me and haven't read it yet, do so now. And every child should read the Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Finally,

Grab the nearest book. Open it to page 56. Find the fifth sentence: "There is considerable interaction between the CNS and PNS."

On the brink of madness

I don’t really think my belongings are alive. However, whenever I swear at my laptop or remark to a friend that it’s being slow and stupid I am immediately seized by a feeling of guilt. I have to apologise to it, and the next time it doesn’t work right, I can’t help but think it’s sulking because I wasn’t nice to it and it’s my own fault everything’s crashing. Strangely enough, I only feel that way about computers. I’ve been known to be rude to things lying in my way, shelves colliding with my head, doors getting acquainted with my elbow and various items that have left their marks on my knees and shins (it doesn’t always make sense, in my distress I’ve told shelves to shut up), but I don’t feel bad about it. It seems a lot of people regularly apologise to whatever they bump into, but I don’t think those things care very much. It’s only computers that get this special treatment – they’re smart in a way, after all, so who knows what they really think? 

However, I’m not above pleading with cars not to bail out on me now when more petrol is just a mile away, flinging expletives at the sun or clouds, encouraging all sorts of technical devices or expressing my disbelief at taps/fridges/lifts not cooperating. Perhaps some day they’ll all take pity on me and do what I want them to do because I’m the only one who even bothers to talks to them.

Mostly, though, it’s a nice way to release pent-up aggression. If I can’t swear at the guy who just bumped into me but have to apologise to HIM instead because that’s what people do here, that useless &#@&ing hole in the ground that JUST popped out of NOWHERE and dared to trap my foot will have to do. Similarly, living in a different halls of residence last year where we were regularly treated to fire alarms at 3 o’clock in the morning, my frustration was not usually directed at the dimwits who set the alarm off, but the rather more innocent alarms themselves for being so noisy and annoying. 

As soon as I start to think objects are talking back to me, I promise I will call for professional help.

Generation gaps

As friends from all kinds of backgrounds tell me about people they know who are pregnant or getting married, my first instinct, of course, is  to think “Aren’t they far too young for that?” Thing is, not really. 21 or 22 used to be a pretty normal time to get married. In fact, even my parents and grandparents got married at my age, and my older sister has been subjected to hints and winks for quite a few years. It just never struck me as odd because she’s always been OLD to me.

And I’m also approaching an age where people start saying that everything was better when they were younger. This used to be the privilege of grannies watching the neighbours from behind their curtains, but the gap between generations is getting larger in much smaller intervals.  My older sister, six years my senior, and I grew up in pretty much the same way, at least technology/toy/school-wise. My younger sister’s life however is completely different, and she’s only eleven years younger than me. It’s really simple things – even her pram was some high-tech thing. Ten or fifteen years ago a friend of mine once prank-called another friend, blowing air into the receiver and pretending to be on a bike. We all thought it was hilarious because Haha, talking on the phone on a bike, yeah right!

 I really don’t know what to make of this change. Is it a good or a bad thing? Of course I’m sure things are a whole lot more comfortable for today’s children in a lot of ways and I’ll be the first to tell you how great computers are, but a lot of things are getting lost in the process too. Kids these days have got all this technological stuff they don’t even need. 

That said, I'm all for progress and technology - if I had the money I'd be buying gadgets left and right, and I've made great friends on the internet. You should just be of a certain age.

I really wonder wonder what they’ll all be like in thirty years time. It’s easy to say they’re completely spoilt by all this, but so were most generations, compared to the previous ones, and I’m sure this new one will have to deal with their share of problems too. And I still hope someone will get around to building spaceships for everyday travel while I'm still alive.

Now excuse me while I go get my feather duster and shoo away the kids from the front yard.

99 things

Don't worry, I'm not keeping this font, but with my usual one it was hard to tell if things were bolded.

Things you've already done: bold

Things you want to do: italicize

Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. started your own blog (um, doh)

2. slept under the stars (doesn't have to be the whole night, right?)

3. played in a band

4. visited hawaii (if I had the money to visit Hawaii I'd visit Tahiti first)

5. watched a meteor shower

6. given more than you can afford to charity (not likely to happen)

7. been to disneyland/world (I always wanted to go as a child. Now I'd only go if someone paid me)

8. climbed a mountain (something impressive like Mount Everest or Nanga Parbat, not Mt Snowdon)

9. held a praying mantis

10. sang a solo

11. bungee jumped

12. visited paris (I'll never get tired of telling everyone how overrated this place is)

13. watched a lightning storm at sea (I'd be fine with just being on a proper boat, not a ferry, for more than a day)

14. taught yourself an art from scratch

15. adopted a child

16. had food poisoning (I think it was food poisoning anyway. And I stopped eating before anyone else and wasn;t as sick as the rest of my family)

17. walked to the top of the statue of liberty (cool... I didn't know you could do that)

18. grown your own vegetables

19. seen the mona lisa in france (almost... my friends and me decided to check out a small fair of sorts near the Louvre, the rest of the class went to look at the Mona Lisa. Can you tell we weren't A students?)

20. slept on an overnight train

21. had a pillow fight

22. hitch hiked

23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill (I thought everyone did that)

24. built a snow fort

25. held a lamb (put it down again pretty quickly too. Those things have strong legs)

26. gone skinny dipping

27. run a marathon

28. ridden a gondola in venice

29. seen a total eclipse (two I think, or is it just my imagination?)

30. watched a sunrise or sunset (watching the sun rise in winter on the way to school is one of my favourite school-related memories, believe it or not)

31. hit a home run (in school, but hey)

32. been on a cruise

33. seen niagara falls in person

34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors (how far back are we going? Not much to visit there)

35. seen an amish community

36. taught yourself a new language

37. had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. seen the leaning tower of pisa in person (there are interesting places outside of Italy too)

39. gone rock climbing

40. seen michelangelo's david in person

41. sung karaoke (I'll never understand how people can enjoy this sort of thing)

42. seen old faithful geyser erupt

43. bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant

44. visited africa

45. walked on a beach by moonlight

46. been transported in an ambulance

47. had your portrait painted

48. gone deep sea fishing

49. seen the sistene chapel in person

50. been to the top of the eiffel tower in paris (at night, when they switched on those flashing lights on the tower. Pretty cool)

51. gone scuba diving or snorkelling

52. kissed in the rain

53. played in the mud (country vs city, right Ziggy?)

54. gone to a drive-in theatre (I didn't think there were any outside of the US, but apparently there's one around here. Now I just need someone to come along)

55. been in a movie

56. visited the great wall of china (although I'm really not interested in those things)

57. started a business

58. taken a martial arts class

59. visited russia (cold, drab, no thanks)

60. served at a soup kitchen

61. sold girl scout cookies

62. gone whale watching (and we did see some)

63. gotten flowers for no reason

64. donated blood

65. gone sky diving

66. visited a nazi concentration camp

67. bounced a cheque

68. flown in a helicopter

69. saved a favorite childhood toy

70. visited the lincoln memorial (Lincoln Memorial = Forrest Gump to me)

71. eaten caviar (I'm not sure :s)

72. pieced a quilt

73. stood in times square

74. toured the everglades

75. been fired from a job

76. seen the changing of the guard in london

77. broken a bone (the same bone twice, doing the same thing. If I'd died I think I would've been eligible for a Darwin Award)

78. been on a speeding motorcycle

79. seen the grand canyon in person

80. published a book

81. visited the vatican (honestly, Italy isn't that great...)

82. bought a brand new car

83. walked in jerusalem

84. had your picture in the newspaper (the local paper was small enough to publish pictures of local football teams)

85. read the entire bible

86. visited the white house

87. killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. had chickenpox (again, I think so. Not even my mum remembers for sure)

89. saved someone’s life (kinda, sorta. And I'd like to save someone's life in a metaphorical sense)

90. sat on a jury

91. met someone famous (I know you're getting tired of this, but I don't remember. I'm pretty sure I have, but for the life of me I couldn't remember who.)

92. joined a book club

93. lost a loved one

94. had a baby

95. seen the alamo in person. (next time you make a meme, whoever created this thing, capitalise things)

96. swum in the great salt lake.

97. been involved in a law suit

98. owned a cell phone

99. been stung by a bee

I like these.

Airports!

I've been struggling with an entry for a while now. It's still not going anywhere so I figured a change of topic might be a good idea - then I came across the World Airport Awards. If you're too lazy to look it up yourself, this year's Top Ten are 

1. Hong Kong

2. Singapore Changi

3. Seoul Incheon

4. Kuala Lumpur KLIA

5. Munich

6. Kansai

7. Copenhagen

8. Zurich

9. Helsinki

10. Cape Town

I've only ever been to Munich Airport on my way to somewhere else, but I had to look them up all the same. I love airports. Not planes so much - the only thing I could tell you about the plane I'm travelling on is its destination - but airports are great fun. A couple of years ago a friend and me would take the train to Birmingham airport on weekends, which isn't exactly next door, and spend the day there watching people and exploring the place.

Going home from uni now I have to fly via London, which secretly I'm quite happy about although it's a huge detour. I like Heathrow - it's big, it's busy, and you see people travelling to all sorts of exotic places. But now British Airways use a new terminal and waiting is nowhere near as fun anymore. There are much fewer people, it’s more of a waiting than a shopping area and it’s just plain boring, but I do have to admit that things run a lot more smoothly now. Before they finished this terminal you regularly had to wait an hour or more to clear the security checks, and the delays were really bad. I often spent four or five hours longer in Heathrow than I was supposed to, and waiting is not so much fun anymore when you're tired and hungry and they keep delaying your flight by thirty minutes at a time. 

Still, I like the whole atmosphere and I'm more looking forward to the airports next week than to seeing my family. Of course, that might just have something do with the fact that I haven't spent my whole life on airports.

There's one thing I really hate though - waiting for my luggage. More often than not I'm one of the last people to leave the plane and I don't have the heart to knock over little girls just to get to my stuff. I'll never understand why entire families have to crowd around the conveyor belt.